Little Heart

When you are reversed and you lost your way,
The teeth tremble and your feet shiver,
No place is safe and everyday is danger,
And your faith is as thin as the air,
Remember to close your eyes.

You have no one to bring back your faith,
And your strength is truly not strong enough.
You are trapped by your own hope,
Framed in your own walls of defense,
Crucified by your own prejudice,
Killed by your own understanding,
Wounded by your own denial.

But keep it through, little heart,
For tears only live for first days and soon will die.
You may scream and explode like the nature is in anger,
For you believe you are failed to save your happiness.
You have to witness the faded shadow,
And you have to firm yourself that this is beyond you.
You will wish you could cut off your body,
So then you will bleed all over – and not just your heart.
You curse yourself for harming other people,
To fail and not be able to recover.
But wake up, little heart,
Will you still be sleeping while the world is running?
You have to learn that this is not all your fault,
You are not responsible for everything that falls.
Time holds everything and it takes its time to make everything up for you.

So, listen to the sky, little heart,
And you shall see the newborn sun.
Play your song in your mouth, and you shall sing in peace.
Cry your shattered dreams over your face, and you shall dream again.
Leave your road with new hopes, and you shall find another one.
Lit your love in your heart, and you shall wonder the magic of love again.
Carve your faith on your lungs, and you shall remember it every time it beats.
Pray for your loved one in most praises, and he shall be a blessed man.

This is the time when you are tried,
To be strong over your strength,
To bind your faith over your grief,
To let go and not regret for it,
To be thankful for what you are gifted to have,
And to be brave to start a new story of your life.

(June, 2010)

What Holds at Last

When your sight gathers in one vision,
Be sure and do not doubt,
For what you see is never far from your belief,
Like the exploding emotions blend in one child’s heart.

As if your fingers recognize the lunacy of a thorn,
So shall your heart senses a muted hope.
But be still, and be true,
For light never exists if you do not let it comes.

Pattern your love and trail with your faith,
For the road you are walking never wastes any time.
You are broken and you are tempted,
But true devotion do not devastate.

Thousand ways do love to be paced by you,
But only one holds your dream at last.
It is hard, and you can weep no more,
But be brave and keep it through.

Breathing man are longing for their love on you,
But your faith is as strong as one man’s bone.
They adore you and pledge you,
But your roots grow and conquer the earth beneath.

Be still and flourish your desires in the highest,
As if prayer will not be magical if it just mouthed.
For you never fails to listen the voice of your heart,
Your trust and love will not be melt;
Under the barking flame, the winding storm or earthy flood,
Between the esteemed sunset and demanding sunrise.

And you shall not let go until you have to,
For you will know in the moment you see his eyes,
When his burning love has shattered to ashes,
His passion rejects to shiver your feet,
And his moves tear your bones into pieces,
You know that he is no longer your companion.

But may your knowledge of him remains,
And you never stop discovering him,
That he is destined to be there for you;
Then you find that his words are your faith,
His breath is your certainty,
His touch is your reliance,
His eyes are your guardian,
And his presence is your dream at last.

(July 18th, 2009)

Kiss the Rain

The rain is falling down,

And I'm carried away,

Into the tenderness,

And voice of its song,

I see you next to me,

And our holding hands,

And I just hope,

Time stops for a while.

And I am here,

Whispering at you,

That you are giving me the best I never hope for.

I still deny,

That all of this is real,

And I'm not dreaming of you and your love.

I hold too many fear,

When I remember you,

Fearing that one day you,

know that you do wrong,

And you're drifting away,

And the story ends,

The affection fades,

And I'm alone.

I hear the rain again,

I know it's time to say,

To answer all the doubt,

To show you my way,

And deep inside my heart,

I do need you to know,

That I'm watching you,

And I love you.

And now I know you are my rain.

(April 30th, 2009)

I Fly to You

When I hear the moon sings,

I imagine when you sing to me.

When I see the stars around me,

I wonder where you are.

So I ask to the sky,

Is he okay right now?

Is he enough fed?

Is he smiling?

Then, I send my ears through the clouds,

My eyes on the night sky,

To watch over you tonight and tomorrow.

I am not keeping it shut.

I will hear your laugh,

I will see your face,

I will smell your fragrance,

though we are apart.

So, let me carry your worries and pains,

and you may end this night with happiness.

(April 13th, 2009)

The Same Rhymes

The rhyme of a friend,

Is what you always hum in your heart,  

And there will be no when, 

You and her in a different part.  

There are moments,  

We are no commons. 

But there are times,  

We follow the same rhymes. 

I believe for what I’ve found,  

You take me off when I’m down. 

I thank for what I’ve gifted,  

There are times I’ve forever lifted.  

Who knows what a soul can hide?  

Who knows tomorrow has not died?  

Who knows which road fails to guide?  

Yet I know you are here by my side.  

I keep you in my mind,  

In case someday, somewhere I find 

Our wonderful memoirs vanish,  

And over again, I’ll make it flourish.  

When we realize our skin has rotten to death,  

You are going to find that I’m still in your path.

(May 16th, 2008)

Happy Sweet 17th, Shearen.

My Dawn Shall Never Born

It is me,  

Again with a bended knee. 

Beneath the freeze dark air,  

This is the last soul I could bare.  

It's true I own my dream, 

Though some times I need to scream. 

But oh, how could I relieve?  

If there's no one I shall believe.  

There's a moment I stepped wrong,  

And it handcuffed me too long. 

Love is not just a healer,  

Pain is just to come and be a killer.  

Well, I thought I did my life,  

While some parts I'm too weak to dive. 

Time is taking me to the mere of tear,  

And no one's there to pull my fear.  

Fight me, oh world,  

Though I am too easy to be hurt. 

You look, my nights live because of my mourn,  

That's why my dawn shall never born.  

The core of mine has been hollowed,  

There's no way could be followed. 

I am enough swallowing my life-long ego,  

And now, it's just heaven I want to go.  

My soul has been lack of passion, 

since the world painted me black.

(2008)

Love Remains for Hundred Years

Surely I have no fear,  

For you with me, my dear. 

Though I may not hear,

I believe your love is near. 

No reason I carry for tears,  

For love remains hundred years. 

As beautiful as song can sing,  

As great as a crown to king. 

As sacred as marriage should mean,  

As sure as everyone tend to lean. 

As sweet as honey tastes,  

As much as time wastes.  

As deep as mind can hide,  

As far as hope shall guide.  

As high as the blue white sky, 

As warm as an apple pie.  

As huge as the pasture lays, 

As precious as moments in days.  

As rare as a quiz gives clue, 

As true as my love to you.  

Love I will grant,  

To tie us as forever friend.

(Feb 13th, 2008)

Just for a Day

Now you've lied.
All you need is to confess.
I lost my faith, 
I lost you.

You ask me why, 
I answered you because; 
till the sorrow is restless, 
and the sweet is tasteless.

You know me hundreds, 
before I know you half.
I bleed somewhere out here, 
and you laugh somewhere out there.

I need your presence; 
When time is dying me.
I need your hands, 
When world is breaking me.

I should have known, 
I am not what you need.
I am not belong to you.
I am not your best.

So pull it out from me, 
all memories we never built.
Take it away from me, 
all love you never shed.

I know distance matters, 
I know I will shatter, 
Our friendship never hatches
Though you may be able to catch it.

Hold my name into your mind; 
just for a day.
Hold my voice into your core; 
just for a day.
Hold my love into your heart; 
just for a second.

That's all I need at the end. 

(June 2008)

Into the Wild

Long for the ride of a passion,  Out of home, for an obsession,  Face the rivers, scars the hills,  Always memorize desire can kill. Losing the calm of the life,  Drowning keeps me back alive,  All unfulfilled calls I need to drive,  All I need is to survive. Into the wild,  I recall my heart,  I know what makes it mild,  And I know it’s the hardest part. I greet the full sunrise,  He makes it all wise. It’s been a traveler’s fate,  I am no late and need not to wait. A lot I have to gamble, it seems,  To gain my undiscovered dreams,  I lay the rest of my soul,  Walking from South to North Pole. Yet I’m fooled,  Here, the dreamer, I lie,  I failed and then I die,  All aged memoirs are dragged. I’m eaten piece by piece,  Until I’m not able to sense a kiss,  I know I’m going to miss,  My vow to step on the Alaska freeze. Into the wild I dedicated my life.  (June 10th, 2008)

Crying Still

Here I'm all alone,

Nothing but the hum of the rain.

Still my memoir has not gone,

All about the unbearing pain.

I sense it within my bone,

All I have gained.

And the rain is crying still,

Looking at me,

A man with a beer to kill.

(Feb 1st, 2009)

One a True

and she takes the deepest bow,

in front of the rainbow.

sticking her life in a jigsaw,

and her love spreads life fairytale's gown.

and invisible white wings she holds,

joyfulness she's happy to fold.

carrying her life in a guitar,

she shines as a night star.

blessing flows from her lips,

love and faith are left to her to keep.

a smile carves the ocean blue,

she is a girl, one a true.

(2008)

Malaikat di Bulan Juli

Sore bertiup di bulan juli,

Tapak malaikatku menepi.

Sinarnya memancarkan sendiri,

Senyum untukku dari lubuk hati. 

Hadirnya terbayang di gemuruh gelegak air,

Terserat di remukan puing tanah,

Terhembus di kabut selimut udara,

Dan terukir kuat di lembar sanubari hati.

Detaknya menjadi detakku,

Ttawanya menjadi tawaku.

Kaukah malaikat dalam sahabat sejati?

Yang membunuh kesepianku hingga mati?

Tiba malaikatku menangiskan kasih dan salam,

Lalu matanya terpejam dalam.

Terang cahayanya terbenam kelam,

Menyatu dengan semesta pagi dan malam.

Patutkah kumurkakan diri,

Dalam tangis yang terperi?

Karena merindukan warna auramu ,

Setelah maut menggegas dari tepi matamu?

Kini hanya tersisa bagiku kenangan,

Dan sepotong batu pualam murahan,

Terbaringnya ragamu dalam lahan,

Membuaiku ke pedihnya angan angan.

Kujajaki deru tangis ini perlahan,

Membiarkan sakit sepi tertahan,

Ternganga luka jiwa yang tersisih,

Ditinggal sahabat dan malaikat terkasih.

Di  langit malaikatku tersenyum sunyi,

Diiringi nyanyian dunia tiada henti

Sore bertiup di bulan juli

Jejak kedatangan malaikatku terus terpatri.

(Oct 20th, 2008)

Thou Art Love Letter

Thou wave and the pasture painted green,

Thou speak and fairness ready to win.

Thou finger and flowers stand to bloom,

Thou sob and seas blaze in gloom.

Thou smile and children shine in bright,

Thou love and keep us in sight.

Ahead me the sky darken, 

Oh, Thou, why the times fasten?

The roses and daisies sharpen,

Heart of hope I let them beaten.

Walking on an ice to crack,

Tears and fright I bear on my back.

Thou know how I raise in fake,

I gain an end one day I’m not awake.

The downpour dissolves my frights,

the sunshine bring back the rights.

Your sovereign is my love letter,

Tell me, how could I’m alone in the battle?

Thou build the absurdity to real,

Thou exhale and the searing chill.

Thou keep my soul upon the hill, 

Thou grant my triumph to stand still.

Thou put my moaning in flame,

Thou Almighty, I have nothing to shame.

Thou I know, Your art eternally cherish, 

And Your affection never end to flourish.

(October 24th, 2008)

The Day

Moments collapsed behind me,

All had gone, all had faded.

I was once as frail as weed,

Today I am permanent as a tree.

I tracked down my remembrance,

When I did not know a thing.

And you revealed me every one thing,

Until I learn it as my life fragrance.

Keep a memory of me my teacher,

You are my truly dearest friend.

Excuse me for my mistakes,

Forgive me for heart that breaks.

You are the role model of mine,

I believe you as you to me.

I am not able to run it into lines,

That you are someone to me.

Here I found my desires,

After times of our years.

Here the day we will be apart,

But to you I leave my heart.

There might be hundreds like me,

And perhaps I am the worst one.

There might be hundreds like you,

And firmly you are my best one.

Today I step ahead,

With pride and knowledge led,

Now I’ve had everything you had.

Though I’ve done nothing to you yet,

I always thanked upon Him that we met.

If one day I become someone,

It is because of you for ever being one.

(December 20th, 2008)

Air Mata Hujan

Kulepaskan setitik tinta hitam,

Di atas putihnya kertas suci.

Menorehkan kelam,

Yang menyayat kalbu insan.

Kusaksikan air mata langit,

Tercurah bagi relung hati ini.

Hujan...

Menderulah, aku bersamamu.

Teriakanku ditelannya,

Air mataku dihapuskannya.

Dingin.

Ragaku tak kuasa,

Menghadapi air mata langit.

Hujan,

Usahlah menegak tangismu,

Untuk manusia macam aku.

Rintikkan saja kasihmu untukku.

Kesendirian ini;

Memang tak terpungkiri,

Bagi jiwa berduri sepertiku.

Dengarkan aku hujan...

Temani aku sebentar lagi,

Dan jadikan aku air mata langitmu.

(2008)

The Everlasting

I wonder how high the sky will be,

How blue the ocean is truly be,

How green the pasture should always be.

Starting a relationship,

I never learn how sudden it always is.

The world beneath friendship,

I could never be able to discover.

Holding hands,

I never suppose it is that warm.

We are the blue and the green,

You are a simple bow which grows me better. 

My dear,

You’re as beautiful as a song.

Slight melodies that you carry out,

Bless every soul you could reach into.

My dear,

You’re as bright as the sun.

Spreading hope as a candle in the dark...

Wondering if you are my angel,

That came behind the rainbow…

Now I know how sky could be that high,

That is as high as our wish will flourish.

Now I understand how sea could be so endless,

That is as deep as we would get to each other.

Now I realize how friend could be so wonderful,

That, will be just you.

Until the day the green of the pasture fades,

And the blue of the ocean melts,

That’s when we’ll end together…

And only the rainbow after the rain will stay everlasting.

(Feb 4th, 2008)

Angan yang Hina

Kulihat disana seorang pasukan,

Dengan senjata di pundaknya,

Dan mata garang yang siap membidik.

Kaukah kakakku,

Yang pergi dan tak pernah kembali,

Yang tidak meninggalkanku,

Sepotong kecil kenangan terakhir?

Inikah yang kau pilih?

Senapan dan peluru,

Darah dan lumpur,

Hidup dan mati?

Inikah dambaanmu,

Erangan kesakitan musuhmu,

Dan pintaan memelas agar ia tak mati?

Jangan kau belalakkan matamu kakak,

Karena melihat aku disini,

Yang sedang mencoba mengerti,

Mimpimu yang menyedihkan.

Lupakah kau,

Aku yang telah menjadi debu,

Pula berakhir di tanah hina ini?

Mimpimu membunuh engkau,

Anganmu membutakan engkau.

Berlalulah dari segalanya,

Dan lambaikan salam terakhir pada duniamu.

Bila seseorang akan mengakhiri segalanya,

Menghentikan detak jantungmu,

Dan darah yang mengalir adalah darah hinamu,

Aku..

Akulah seseorang itu.

Maafkan aku kakak,

Karena tak mampu mengerti impianmu.

(2007)

Forever in Me

The world of loneliness,

And incapability of finding the truth.

Bordered my heart,

And cornered me to the darkest.

I played my role,

With whole expectation and prayers.

Starting my journey,

And stand at the beginning.

She taught me the whole thing,

She taught me how to forgive,

She taught me how to love,

She taught me how to behave.

She held me far into her heart,

She put love inside my eye.

She gave me the first hug I ever had;

Something that they call love.

And here I am,

Best as she believes I would be.

Better than before,

Best of all I’ve ever been.

And so she whispered to me,

When you believe that the path you are walking,

Seems restless and wounding,

The world looks down on you,

And people shut their sights of you,

Just remember that,

I will look you higher than anyone,

Hold your hand along the path,

And bear the wounds you suffer.

I will bring the warmth,

To melt the wintriness in your heart.

And when you feel the presence of an angel,

Let it be me,

My beloved best friend,

And thank God you’re forever in me.

(July 29th 2006)

She Loves Me

I heed the sound of the train

Pursuing my mind

Some memories flash…

She robbed everything,

Everything I had fought for.

She tortured of my satisfaction.

I never expect anything from her,

I never desire.

She never loves me,

I know it much better than her.

How destiny could be so pitiless,

Saddle me with merciless heart.

I will never forgive her,

For what she had done to me.

I wish I am able to let her know,

I never adore her,

Just so is she to me.

She means nothing for me.

And now she is,

Sitting in front of me.

I can smell her scent,

A presence that I hate.

In moment of time,

I thawed myself in my dream…

And why do I smell,

The fervent scent of her,

I sense her beside me.

She rests my head on her shoulder.

She kisses my hair,

And one tiny tear drenches my cheek,

Like the drizzle pours the earth.

She takes off her single coat ever,

Covers me gently, 

Before the freezing air kills me.

The tenderness has melted my heart,

As my tear replies hers.

She toughen her hug,

When she wishes to enlighten me,

“I am here.”

I love her. I do love her.

And now for many years,

Finally I could understand…

My sister loves me. 

(July 15th, 2007)

Akhir Sebuah Perjuangan

Di untaian doaku kulontar namamu,

Di bayang anganku kusambut hadirmu.

Di derai tawa dan air mata,

Hanya kau harapanku.

Getar ragu ini,

Tak pernah lenyap dilekang waktu.

Mengguncangkan batinku.

Menyusuri tapak nuraniku.

Apakah engkau nyata untukku?

Tak ada yang mampu kuperbuat,

Pahitnya tatapan mata tak terelakkan.

Jauhnya bayanganmu tak lagi terbayang.

Sungguh, engkau bukan takdirku.

Aku tak kuasa mendesakmu,

Untuk menyayangiku lebih lama lagi.

Bila kasih itu tak teruntai kepadaku.

Aku tak kuasa membendung air mata lagi.

Kini,

Aku memilih untuk menyerah.

Melepaskanmu, melupakan kehadiranmu.

Bila hatiku tak sanggup,

Mungkin sudah semestinyalah,

Nyawaku yang melakukannya.

(2008)